The Mushroom Bosses
by ixJeffJeff
Summary: A dabble of the random lives of the mushroom bosses.
1. Chapter 1: Mushroom Randomness

_The Mushroom Bosses_

Author's Note: Bored. Enjoy. (Also, lots of author notes.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Maplestory, Nexon, or anything afflicted with Nexon.

Mushmom sat quietly at her table, until the author realized mushrooms cannot sit.

Mushmom(Mm): F3

Mushdad(Bmm): Hi honey I'm home!

Mm: NUUU WTF YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT MUSHROOM SHRINE GETTING MURDERED BY NOOBS.

Bmm: I'm lvl90 you noob.

Mm: BLEH. –defames-

Bmm: Nooooo my fame….. oh well, I still have three trillion more fames.

Mm: -logs onto other characters and defames-

Bmm: You do realize the above three lines are impossible, due to the fact we are mushrooms, right?

Mm: ….. MUSHMOM SMASH

And so, they fought (with ground pounds… how stupid, considering both of them can jump.)

* * *

_Meanwhile, somewhere in Ant Tunnel Park, Zombie Mushmom (Zmm) waited patiently, anticipating the unexpected noobs who had took the VIP taxi out of curiosity. (A/n: Yes, I have done this before.)_

Zmm: Me hungry.

Zombie Mushmom stared awkwardly at an evil eye, which, knowing of zombie mushmom's hunger, edged away slowly.

Alas, the poor, hideous creature's speed could not match the one of the giant, and was quickly consumed.

Zmm: Mmm… not bad.

Famine and taste took the best of the monster, and it engaged in a rampage across Ant Tunnel Park, eating everything that moved. (A/n: Wooo fat people reference. No offence to any overweight people reading this.)

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Someone Else's House…

Mm: MUSHMOM BECH SLAP!

Bmm: You have no hands.

Mm: SOOO? –randomly grows a pair of hands- WHAT NOW?

Bmm: You know, the author will never allow that to happen.

Mm: Yes he will, cause he's a good-for-nothing, fail of a writer whose bored out of his mind.

Bmm: Good point.

_(A/n: ….)_

Mushmom and Mushdad resumed to fight, both of which attempting to Ground Pound each other to death, and failing miserably.

* * *

_Back at Zombie Mushmom's place…._

Zmm: NOMNOMNOM

Zombie Mushmom was still starved, and wandered off into Cave of Evil Eyes, scaring the Cygnus Knights there that were finishing the Francis the Puppeteer quests.

Zmm: NOMNOMNOM, IMMA EAT CHU.

_

* * *

Back at The Grave of Mushroom….._

Random Assassin(RS): Whoohoo imma get me some Hwabis!

_After Flash Jumping everywhere for a good thirty minutes….._

RS: what the f*ck? According to my hacking dev- I mean my legit tool, Zombie mushmom is supposed to have spawned already. Hm… maybe some stupid bowman came along and murdered the darn thing. _(A/n: yes, this is the common stereotype that Sins hate bowman.)_

* * *

NOMNOMNOM

Zombie mushmom had advanced even deeper into the depths of Sleepywood, consuming Drakes, Wild Kargos, Evil eyes, Cold Eyes, Tauromacises, Taurospears, and even a poor Bob the snail.

The roars of Zombie Mushmom's "Nomnomnom"s were heard throughout the area of Sleepywood, frightening even those of a high level.

Forty Evil eyes, eighty Cold eyes, seventy Drakes, twenty-three Wild Kargos, ten Tauromacises, five Taurospears, and three Bob the snails later, Zombie Mushmom came to a dead end- Jr. Balrog's sanctuary. As expected, a Jr. Balrog spawned, mistaking the Zombie Mushmom for a wandering adventurer.

"GRRRR….. ME EAT YOU NOW"

Zombie Mushmom rushed toward the winged devil-like beast, only to be ripped apart by Jr. Balrog's sharp claws. Jr. Balrog then took a piece of the mushroom and took a bite.

Hm….. Not bad.

Moral of This story: You are what you eat.

* * *

RS: hm….. since I can't get Hwabis, I guess ilbies are the next best thing.

RandomSin reached down his pocket to grab a Henesys return scroll, only to find that he had a hole in his pocket.

RS: WTFFFFFF. STUPID NOOB SOLD ME BROKEN PANTS.

Angered, The sin Flash Jumped all the way back to Henesys.

* * *

"MUSHMOM SMASH!"

-Jump-

"GRRRRR"

Just as Mushmom was about to jump onto Blue Mushmom's head, two Steelys hit directly through the gigantic orange mushroom.

"Noooooes my exp!" said the dead Mushmom.

Horrified by the instant death, Blue Mushmom looked up and saw a shadowy figure holding a Steely.

RS: huh. A blue mushmom. Those don't spawn here. Oh well, it might drop something good.

"Lucky Seven!" were the last words Blue Mushmom heard before it spawned back in the Hall of Mushroom.

"….."

The end?

Moral of the story: Never visit your crazy mushroom wife.


	2. Chapter 2: Mushmom's Revenge

The Mushroom Bosses 2: Mushmom's Revenge.

_Author's Note: Another helping of giant mushrooms. Enjoy._

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Nexon or Maplestory besides the fictional characters in this story, blah blah blah.

* * *

_Months after the Mushmom incident…._

It was another sunny day in the small town of Henesys. Numerous happy Maplers roam the soft grounds, taking each step with joy and happiness. Some of the others were running across the town, trying to escape the lesser "noobs" for money, fame, or pointless training that they could do themselves if they weren't too darn lazy. (Author's Note: Yes, this is one of my opinions in this story.)

There were also others (often dubbed the "henehoes") that senselessly swung various unusual objects at each other and making pointless emotions with their faces. As if that wasn't meaningless enough, they also decided to purchase large sums of foreign money (NX) to hide their horrific features with dolled-up equipment, create "backgrounds" to suit themselves, and to buy megaphones used to spam "Username has put his (body part) into OtherPlayer's (body part)", "OMG I L0ST MY BEBEEEEEE NUUU33SSZZ", or any other random inappropriate comment.

Returning to the point at hand, the town of Henesys was quite peaceful. Although, something felt very wrong though…..

"Mesoz Pleaze" (Author's Note: Isn't that such a lovely sound?)

"No. Go away."

"MESERZ PLEAZE"

"NO, DAMMIT. GO AWAY."

"MESOZ PLE-"

"NO, DAMMIT! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO HIDE AS A PERSON?"

The noob, startled by the person's loud booming voice, took a closer look at the person's curves (ahem not to be describing anything inappropriate), and realized that it wasn't a person, but a gigantic Mushmom!

"AHHH IT'S A MUSH-"

The noob's screams were called in vain, for the giant mushroom had already slaughtered the lesser creature, and a tombstone fell from the sky in place of the noob. After making an attempt to call for help, he realized that he could only produce thoughts, due to his status of being dead.

Mushmom swore as she realized that her device had faltered for a moment. Reaching into her coat pockets, she took out a miniscule square-shaped item, consumed it, and had once again returned to a human form. Mushmom walked on, appearing to be oblivious of the death scene.

_(Long in-story Author's Note: Why, may you ask, is Mushmom strolling across Henesys in a disguised form, and how is it able to disguise itself? Let me explain. If you have read the last chapter, you would know that RS (random assassin) had slain Mushmom and her acquaintances. With that heavy grudge in mind, Mushmom set itself to work on modifying the Mushroom Transformation Device (an nx item) so that it would work in reverse. After months of hard work, dedication, and endless cups of mushroom-flavored coffee, Mushmom had finally perfected the item.)_

"Time to find that damned assassin and put him in his place…" Mushmom said with a malicious grin, while carrying her massive Doombringer.

_(A/n: Oh, did I forget to mention that she can use equips when in human form?)_

_Moral of this section: Don't beg giant mushrooms in disguise for mesos._

* * *

_Somewhere in the middle of Henesys…_

"Waaaaah he stole my money!"

"He took my Blue Work Glove!"

"He murdered my friend!"

"He strapped me to a chair and made me watch Pokémon for five hours straight!"

Ah yes, the sound of chaos is lovely, no?

RS hid in the shadow of Dark Sight, watching as the individuals panic from having their items stolen, seeing others killed off by summoning sack monsters, and being strapped to furniture to watch torturous shows against their will.

"Heh. With all this stuff that I scammed, I'll be rich!"

RS was broken of his moneygasm with a tap on his shoulder.

"Whatdya wa-"

"_Art of Mushroom: Brandish!"_

The sudden attack knocked RS out of his Dark Sight and rammed him against a wall. He barely had any time to register what had happened before he had met the edge of someone's sword.

"What the Balrog? Who the hell are you?"

"I am known as the queen of mushrooms! Or as you people speak of, 'Mushmom'"

"Oh yeah… I killed you a while back, heh?"

"That, you have done. And now, I shall be returning the favor. _Art of Mushroom_: _Panic!_"

"_Dark Sight!"_

Even the might of the shadows could not help his survival; the attack was severe enough to almost injure him to death.

"I see you've learned some new tricks, Mushmom…" RS said calmly, as he pulled out the sharpest Steelies from his waist pocket.

"….But so have I!"

With his bloodied hands, he fused the throwing utensils together into a massive shuriken with the power of alchemy and hurled it towards the disguised mushroom.

"_Avenger!"_

The gargantuan star moved at speeds faster than Mushmom could process and left a huge gash in Mushmom's Violet Platina.

"Dammit, that hurt!"

Mushmom barely had any time to rise from the floor before more stars flew her way.

"Triple Throw!"

"Triple Throw!"

Mushmom shrieked as she took every hit. Death was the least of her worries because she could respawn; It was the pain that really killed her.

"Hehe. For my next trick…"

RS produced a Summoning Rock from his bag and made a fist.

"_Shadow Partner!" _A sinister-looking shadow appeared behind RS and mimicked his every move.

"_Avenger!"_

"_Avenger!"_

"_Avenger!"_

She managed to fend off a few hits with her mighty Doombringer, but it was eventually cracked apart by pressure.

"_Dammit… it can't end like this" _she thought.

RS took note of her moment of weakness and chose to let her suffer for a moment.

"Shadow Web!"

Mushmom was bind into a trap made of shadows which allowed her no movement at all. He slowly walked towards her, holding an odd-looking dagger in his left hand.

"Heh. I sure hope you drop some Ilbies this time. I'm running out of my precious steel." RS raised his dagger towards the sky, both fists clenching the dagger tightly. "Die! _Assaulter_!"

_Assaulter? That's an instant kill move! If he uses that, I'll never be able to respawn!_

_It's all over…_

Or so she thought.

"_Don't you dare hurt her! Fungus' Strafe!"_

Quartets of golden-colored mushrooms were shot from the direction of the voice and knocked RS back into a wall, breaking the seal of Shadow Web. _What the hell was that?_ RS thought as he searched for the assailant with his eyes. He looked over at where Mushmom was and saw a tall blue-haired man wielding a Blue Metus handing Mushmom a healing potion.

"What're you doing here? And how'd you find me?"

"You weren't the only one working on revenge you know. Anyways, are you oka-"

A steel object cut through the winds and struck the tall figure. A scream escaped the man's mouth as he reached in his bag for a Barbarian Elixir, consuming it with a gulp. The man turned in the direction where the stars were thrown.

"Well, well, what have we here?" RS asked rhetorically while standing back up.

"Stay back, you bastard!" he replied bluntly.

RS ignored his threat and continued moving towards him.

"So, this is your human form, isn't it?"

The archer made no attempt to reply.

"Speak up now. You're here to kill me, aren't you, **Mushdad**?"

_Gah! He knows!_ The bowman thought as he was trying to move away, only to realize he was trapped by Shadow Web. _Fuck!_

"By the way, there's something you should know…"

Mushdad looked up at the dark-haired assassin, wondering that he would say next.

"I..."

RS pulled out the most gruesome-looking dagger he could find in his coat sleeves.

"…**HATE..."**

The dagger started to glow in a dark black, darker than the hairs of a crow.

"…**BOWMAN." **

_**STAB.**_

_**AHHHH!**_

Mushdad howled in pain while bleeding endlessly. After a few seconds of torture, he had finally fallen to the ground in defeat.

"Heh. Too easy. Let's see if I can find me a new set of Tobis from this rubble of mushy guts."

If only he had a bit of dexterity, he could've been able to tell that someone was behind him.

_(Author's Note: Yes, he's a typical dexless person.)_

"_**MORTAL BLOW!"**_

An arrow erupted out of RS's chest, an inch away from his heart.

"Heh. You killed my Puppet that I summoned."

"What? That was a frickin puppet?" RS said with the last of his strength.

"Yeah, it was a little skill I picked up. Now, you shall suffer the same fate as my makeshift dummy."

Mushdad grabbed RS by the back and threw him twenty feet in the air. He pulled his bowstring back and uttered the last words RS would ever hear.

"_**Mushroom's Advanced Hurricane!" **_

He fired not arrows, but actual mushrooms from his blue bow. Green, Blue, Orange, Horny, and even Zombie Mushrooms were scattered in the air, making it literally rain mushrooms and fungi. The mushrooms surrounded RS and bit him to death, leaving gruesome marks on his corpse. Disrespectfully, Mushdad kicked sand in his face.

For some reason, the town of Henesys applauded Mushdad.

Confused, Mushdad confronted a person and asked what was going on.

"Why, you don't know? You've just slayed one of the most notorious thieves of Henesys! For that, we will honor you for a short period of time!"

"Wha- really? Cool."

"Tell me, what is your name, great stranger?"

"My name's Mu-" Mushdad quickly remembered that humans killed monsters for experience points, money, and for their own sick enjoyment. "bin. My name's Mubin."

"Well, Mubin, we the henehoes of Henesys will pay tribute of NX and useless chairs to you!"

"Erm, ok." Mushdad looked down at his unconscious wife. He then used a PokeBall and trapped her inside, claiming her as his Pokeslave. (Author's Note: Just kidding, ignore the last sentence.)

Mushdad picked up his wife in his arms and yelled _"Thrust!"_

The henehoes cheered him off as he left the scene. He moved at incredible speeds back to Someone Else's House, where she healed from her wounds, returned to Mushroom form, and lived happily ever after. (Yay cliché ending!).

The end… (Or is it?)

_Moral of this story: Don't piss off a giant mushroom._

* * *

Epilogue

The henehoes celebrated the defeat of RS with random cake and pie droppings from the air and 'F3' wars, until someone finally noticed something.

"Holy crap! The Sin's corpse is gone! I gotta warn th others-"

_**STAB.**_

_**AHHHHHH!**_

Author's Note: So, how'd I do this time?


	3. Chapter 3: RS's Revenge Part 1

The Mushroom Bosses 3: RS's Revenge Part 1

_Author's Note: Another story about giant mushrooms. This time, they're human! Gasp? Eh…I started on this chapter but I kinda got bored, so I just left this at part 1. Also, I've taken note that the first chapter had way too much humor than intended, and the second chapter had too little humor, so I'll try to balance it out. Enjoy._

_Edit: I have made edits to the story a bit._

_Disclaimer: See first and second chapters. (Too lazy to rewrite or copy/paste.)_

**MUUUUUSHROOOOM PARTIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

Those were the two words that triggered the uproar that we believe to be a "10.5" on the Richter scale. The mushrooms bounced with joy as they knew of the great news that was delivered to them.

Why, may you ask, are mushrooms partying till there's no end?

RS was finally killed.

Yes, the news of his death even made mushrooms happy, for RS was a well-known mushroom slayer among them.

_Somewhere within Sleepywood…._

A great meeting of Balrogs was taking place.

"_What do you mean Raki is dead?"_

"_Apparently, he was assassinated by a mushroom in its human form. Ironic, considering his job is to be an assassin."_

"_**WHO SAID MUSHROOM?"**_

A gruesome Balrog- no, it looked nothing like a Balrog, more like the Devil himself- stepped forward, shaking the ground with every step it took.

"_Our human contractor, Raki has been killed by a mushroom."_

"_**A MUSHROOM, YOU SAY? NOMNOMNOM TIME!"**_

"_But sir, he is in a human form, and he's a level one hundred fifty ranger! Plus, he has his wife, Mushmom, and the powers of the Mushroom Goddess herself!"_

"_**I DON'T CARE. ME WANNA EAT MORE MUSHROOM!"**__ (Author's Note: Refer to chapter one to find out who this Balrog is.)_

The Devil Balrog spread its wings apart, yelled _**"POTATOZORZZZZZZZZZZ"**__ and flew away._

_The others stayed behind, wondering why that idiot was their chosen leader._

* * *

Mubin (Mushdad) lay down on his bed, making his best attempts to get some rest, regardless the loud party upstairs. His blue Azura armor lay a few feet away from him- his Blue Metus on top of the pile. Giving up all his thoughts of sleep, he stared up towards the ceiling, working his mind to no end.

_Why am I still human? Shouldn't it have worn off by now?_

He moved his eyes toward the opposite end of the room, where his wife slept comfortably. She too, was still in her human form.

_Sigh. Poor her, having to face that bastard's stars._

He slammed his fist against the table, breaking it without much effort. Miraculously, it didn't wake up Mushmom.

_Dammit! Why couldn't I have gotten there earlier?_

Even though it wasn't his fault, he couldn't help but be swallowed in a sea of guilt and self-hatred.

He decided to take a walk outside.

It was late at night, when most of the eager adventurers were lying in bed sleeping, dreaming of the new adventures and possibilities that could happen tomorrow. Mushdad was not one of them.

No, he was a monster. A monster, for goodness sakes! He felt trapped and lonesome in that human form of his. Oh, he used to loathe the days of wandering in the Mushroom Gardens as a mushroom, but no! Now he longs for them, the cry from the calm meadows unable to be answered by his presence.

If those thoughts hadn't trouble him, his high dexterity would've given him note that someone was following him.

"_**Venom."**_

A poison-dipped star sank into the bowman's back. He staggered a few times before falling to the ground.

"_What the hell!"_

"Hello, old 'friend'."

Mubin used what was left of his paralyzed body to identify the stranger. _No…no! It can't be! I killed you!_

_(Spoiler alert! Yes, it's RS.)_

"_If you may have killed what seemed to be me, but then how would I be able to stand before you right here, right now?"_

_**Slap.**_

"STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES DAMMIT!"

"Fine. Sorry. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, IF I PARALYZED YOU, HOW CAN YOU SLAP ME?"

Um….…AUTHOR!

Jeff has randomly appeared out of nowhere.

"_Dammit! Another server che- oh, hello."_

"Author, I demand to know why he can slap me even though I paralyzed him!"

"_Cause I said so."_

"That's not fair!"

"_Life isn't fair."_

"But this is based on a game!"

"_Neither are games. Get over it, you whiny little wuss."_

Jeff has disappeared.

"Grrrr. Of all the authors in the world, I'm stuck with a bowman-friendly author."

"Hahaha"

"SHUT UP! YOU SHOULD BE PARALYZED!"

"Oh, my bad."

* * *

"Zzzz…snorfle snorfle… huhwhat?"

Mushmom woke up with feeling that something was horribly wrong…

"I'M HUNGRY."

Mushmom wandered off into the kitchen, still dazed from her nap.

"…..WHERE'S THAT LAZY ASS WHO ALWAYS COOKS MY FOOD (Mushdad)?"

She glanced over to where the small table was and found out it was in pieces.

"…..I probably shouldn't call him that….."

She looked further upwards and noted that his Azura armor was gone.

"So…. He took a walk outside." She muttered to herself.

She picked up her Doombringer from a wooden scabbard and hung it on her back.

"Guess I'll go stalk that idiot to see if he caused any trouble."

_Part 2 is on the way when Nexon decides to have decent customer service. ^^_


	4. Chapter 4: RS's Revenge Part 2 edited!

A giant Balrog came in and killed everyone.

The end.

_Author's Note: Just had to kill this story off. Kinda got boring._

…_.or so I thought._

_After a month of horrendous homework and excruciating projects, I have decided to continue on with this crap excuse of a story .Ignore the part from earlier where the Balrog killed everyone._

_Enjoy._

* * *

"Where the hell could that dumbass be?" Mushmom said as she wandered around.

It was still nighttime; it was so dark that even the white people couldn't be noticed. (Racial Joke as requested by someone. I apologize to everyone of this skin color who has read this.)

"Yo idiot! Where are ya?" She decided to try a different tactic.

"I have some Pokémon cards for you if you come out now!"

Silence.

"….He usually comes screaming like a little girl for these… even though they're fake…lol."

Mushmom F3'd and resumed searching.

"So, I finally have you in my grasp."

"Hehe 'grasp'"

"Yes, I said 'grasp'; what's wrong with that?"

"It'za big word."

"Are big words too much for you?"

"Yez n0ub pl0z"

"…It's hard to imagine the mushroom goddess gave YOU her blessing…"

"Whatcha sayin'?"

"Oh, nothing, you stupid noob."

"DON'T CALL MEH ZE NUUUB. I AM LEVL150!"

"Gratz n00b. And besides, I'm 170."

"Well, since the Black Mage ate that Fiery Burrito (yay my other-story reference) and created the Big Bang [not to be confused with what happens in the bedroom -Whut uuup?-(How I Met Your Mother ref.)], I just spammed Arrow Rain at Kru/Captains for a while, then I moved onto Ghost Pirates and Dual Ghost Pirates at 110 (this is a training place suggestion to those of you who are 110+). Anyways, 170…. GASP z0Mg r3ally? I MUZT WORSHIP YU."

_Clang._

Mushdad fell unconscious as a giant darkish-colored sword knocked the back of his head.

Mushdad regained consciousness for a second to say "What was that for?"

"You worship no one except me cause I am teh awesomeness, k?"

"Ok" Mushdad fell unconscious again.

"Hello Madame Mushmom."

Mushmom looked up. "Huh? How'd you know who I was? The stupid author forgot to mention who knocked the back of this idiot's head."

"Because Sins are just that awesome."

"Tch. So stereotypical. Not all sins are awesome you know."

"Prove it."

Mushmom then pointed to a group of adolescents aimlessly throwing stars at what they thought was a Stumpy, but was actually just a plain old tree.

* * *

_Author's Note: Didn't feel like continuing, so I'll just badly leave it there._


End file.
